Thinking of Lucy

Today has been another one of those weird days. I’ve been mostly lost in my thoughts and sometimes that can be bad. In any case, I am thinking today of a small child with cancer who is currently fighting for her life. I have not personally met her parents or her, but she is from my hometown of Covington, TN. I have been keeping track of how she’s been through her mother’s blog. They thought that everything was going to be okay but they received the news that the cancer had returned the other day and things weren’t looking good for their baby. I see Lucy’s face and she’s smiling so radiantly. The recent pictures she’s had taken show her giggling, smiling, and laughing. She looks exhausted but she is smiling through it as best she can. She is such a special girl and when I read her mama’s blog, my heart broke.

Here is an excerpt from that blog:

“Kate’s Message: Dear friends. The only way I know how to tell everyone this is to send a group text. Lucy’s cancer is back. There is nothing we can do. We don’t have a long time with her but we are determined to make the most of every minute. Our only prayer is for mercy and no suffering. We have to protect Ella. She knows but we want her to be safe. Thank you for your love, support and prayers.”~ http://erikandkatekrull.blogspot.com/?spref=fb

When I read Kate’s words, I understood completely why they call it heart break. It felt like my chest was caved in and I couldn’t breathe. I cried tears for them because I see behind those worn out eyes of Lucy’s, so much spirit and the want to survive this. I know how hard it is to pray that prayer. I was there myself a long time ago. I can’t imagine what they feel right now watching their child hurt so bad.

Children are so precious and so innocent. They see the world so much differently and they accept things that we find hard to. We could back then but we forgot. A child like Lucy helps us remember. We remember those small things. We remember how to look at things with open eyes and an open heart. She doesn’t deserve this, no child does. I pray and wish to God she could just play softball or soccer and be free to catch fireflies. I remember doing those sort of things as a kid.

The cancer came back and it came back with a vengeance when my own mother had it. I remember her throwing up water because she couldn’t even handle that. I remember how she couldn’t get a moment’s rest and it was constant, constant pain. I remember feeling angry, helpless, and so very scared for her. I finally prayed to God the hardest prayer of my life and I remember my words verbatim to this day: “God if you’re gonna make my mama well, make her well right now. But if she’s not, then take her, please.”

Cancer is the worst kind of disease because if you go into remission and everything, it plays with your mind when it comes back and it comes back so hard from what I’ve seen of it. It leaves you feeling powerless, no control. The amazing thing though is this. It hurts. It really does. But we have to remember. Through our memories, they live on. I still get people 16 years later telling me how awesome my mama was. The memories of the good times make me smile so much.

Lucy is a rare kind of person. She’s touched so many lives and she has taught us bravery and love. I want her to get well and I don’t want her to suffer through this anymore. I really pray to God that this child has a chance to make it and be totally rid of her cancer because she is very special. I’ve never met her  but through her mother’s blog, I know how special and loved she is. I simply adore this darlin’.

Please God, heal this baby. Don’t let her hurt anymore, please.

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