A little over a week ago, I woke up and sat at my computer as I normally do.
After my morning Dr. Pepper, which serves as my coffee, and wiping the sleep out of my eyes, I booted up my computer and headed to FaceBook to see what was going on. I thought, for a moment, that what I saw wasn’t real – it had to be a dream. Rather, it had to be a nightmare.
A girl I’ve known since I was 5 years old with a giant bruise on the side of her swollen face, eye closed.
My childhood friend, Mary, had become a victim of domestic violence.
Is there a logical answer to that small, yet powerful question, that could appease her? Her family? Her friends?
No, there isn’t because here’s the thing: abuse and beating someone nearly to death is never logical.
You don’t do it.
If you’re that pissed off, you walk away. Go cool yourself down. Take a chill pill.
Now, she has chosen to not be silent about this and I am so very proud of her because more times than not, the victim stays silent. She’s taking the steps she needs to so this doesn’t happen again.
Domestic violence can happen to anyone – man or woman. In either case, it is terrifying as well as numbing because you have absolutely no idea what to do next. Your brain, at that first hit, can’t even process that this person that you love actually raised their hand to you.
How do I know that?
It happened to me – one time. One time only.
My ex decided to hit me in a local grocery store because I was cracking a joke at an inconvenient time apparently. He slapped me, close handed, right across my chest. It took my breath away and I was stunned. From the pain, the shock, and wondering: “Did that just really happen?”
Yes, Susan. It did.
I was angry. I felt violated and he looked proud of himself.
When I feel this way, I have my go-to-demeanor which is quietness and trying to find a logical explanation behind this. The entire thing caught me off guard. Long story short, we got back to his place and I stood up to him. I told him to hit me.
He wanted me to repeat and I said, “I’m ready for you now. Hit me.”
I didn’t bat an eye. I was serious. And he did, in fact, ball his fist and try to punch me. My dad had been teaching me self defense tactics ever since I was young. So, I grabbed his fist, catapulting him over my shoulder and landed him on the floor.
I left him shortly after that and haven’t looked back. I grew tired of the yelling, the signs were there and I felt it wouldn’t get better.
Now, I’m not saying that every Domestic Violence or abuse victim should flip the coward like that – not at all. I just followed what I thought was right at the time. My father taught me all kinds of defensive techniques and most are like the ones I performed, which was using the principles of Judo – using their weight against themselves.
What I am saying is, you do NOT have to put up with abuse. If you want to leave, leave. Call somebody. Call a friend, the cops, a family member – SOMEBODY.
Why am I writing about all this?
Honestly and wholeheartedly here: Don’t be silent.They are NOT going to change. Look deep inside yourself and trust that gut feeling that’s screaming, “This isn’t right.”
Don’t try to rationalize their spineless behavior. Don’t try to make sense out of it.
Know that you deserve to be loved and treasured. Love is patient, kind, and it endures.
It doesn’t cause that sort of pain.
Here is an hour long documentary for those that need help as well as important information on the realities of Domestic Violence below:
Also, here are some links for help and the phone number to call if you need to talk to someone.
National Domestic Violence Hotline
Staffed 24 hours a day by trained counselors who can provide crisis assistance and information about shelters, legal advocacy, health care centers, and counseling.
Sending my love to you all and wishing you all the very best,
P.S. To the male who decided to do this to my friend, here’s all I have to say in acknowledgement to your existence. God save you – if it is right that He should do so:
P.S.S. Let’s give a little bit more love in this very short life instead of negativity, yeah?