The new year, 2016, is already a month and a half gone.
So far, I’ve celebrated turning another trip around the sun on January 29 and turning 34 years old. I do count seeing another year a blessing. Life is short and it does seem, the older I get, the faster it goes.
As far as the Daily Prompt‘s question goes, “How is the year shaping up for you so far? Have your predictions come true, or did you have to face a curve ball or two?”
The thing I’ve learned from spending this time alive is that life is always going to throw you curve balls. It happens every day, in fact. You could plan to make a meatloaf dinner but find that your ground beef is spoiled and you have to readjust your plans.
You could make plans to take your dogs for a nice, long walk and then the rain unexpectedly begins to pour outside. Of course, your plans have changed and readjustments must be made yet again.
As far as this year has gone? I would say that this month and a half has gone well. Especially considering the previous ones.
More of a pinpointed time frame? I would say 2012 is when certain things went a bit wonky.
I have earned a degree – back in 2013 – but I feel that I’ve sort of been wandering about aimlessly, searching for the meaning of life and how to find my ‘happy’. Somewhere along the way, I’ve managed to take an extended vacation from interacting with people. Thus, my anxiety has sort of spiraled out of control. In the past, I’d only stutter (and could control it fairly well) when I was particularly nervous.
After nearly four years of going through that turbulence, I have made quite a few goals for myself this year and been following up on them.
First thing I wanted to do was to see a counselor about these problems and stop hiding away. I have tried that in the past but would rarely make it to the second appointment. It’s hard to trust people and the person I’m seeing now,
I do trust him.
I’ll be going for my fourth appointment next week which is saying a lot.
I’m learning that some of the things I’ve been dealing with, and the factors that come from that social phobia, can be broken through. Starting to come to terms that if someone doesn’t particularly like me, it doesn’t mean I’m this terrible person. I do try to treat everyone with respect and kindness.
I am starting to see a change in that respect. The way I look at the outside world by changing how I feel and perceive things on the inside.
So, the main goal for the first part of this year is, and was, to get out of that bubble that I’ve created around myself. It’s starting to break down and relearning how to interact with people during the day. Admittedly, in the past few years, I have been waiting until late in the evening to do shopping and such just so I can avoid others.
It’ll take time, as most things, to readjust but I do have hopes of things getting better.
As far as other goals I have for the rest of this year, there are a few. I’d like to get on a normal schedule and get fit again. I do miss that feeling of being able to do anything physically but when you’re coming out of a sort of depression, it does take time.
For now though, I am relearning to love myself and getting over this fear of rejection and failure. The curveballs are going to come, I completely realize that. Hope is pretty strong, though, and I have every intention of holding on to that very tight.
I’ve been posting some videos on my YouTube Channel where I read some poetry and made a video of me playing a video game called Diablo 3 in an effort to put myself out there.
I also read Tarot Cards and have been posting videos with tips from my perspective to help others as well.
Basically, I’m trying to make everyday count. Before I know it, another 34 years will have gone by and I do hope it doesn’t include me in a bubble – shut away from others.
I hope you all have a wonderful day and thank you so much for stopping by. 🙂
Happy Valentine’s Day!
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P.S. This is one thing that has rang in my mind and I do try to remember this quote from Game of Thrones when I’m feeling particularly anxious.
“Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.” -Tyrion Lannister, Game of Thrones