Aimless

Try so hard and come so far,

Knowing I’m not the only one.

Battle of Heart and mind – bizarre…

While wanting to please everyone.

 

Wanting, tasting, knowing what I want

Biting words said – not to the standards of others –

Do I let another dream die? It’ll continue to haunt;

Leaving  me clutching and  hiding under the covers.

 

Be practical, be logical, be sensible –

There’s no future in what you want.

After all, dreams are dispensable

Words in my mind, continue to taunt.

 

So many thoughts, dreams, and goals –

Burning through my mind and heart.

Objections – countless – but who controls

The pinpointed moment of when you start?

 

Gone too far and too long of being aimless,

Lacking the courage to follow this path.

Closing my eyes, praying for patience –

Asking for strength to deal with the aftermath.

© Susan M. Reed

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Poetry written in response to today’s daily prompt and my take on it. What’s written below this now is mostly a kind of ramble and could be a diary entry, if you will.

Going through some different options if I should follow what I want to do or what others expect me to do. With that said, I’ve – admittedly and my own fault – let opinions in the past sway me from things I wanted to do originally. More specifically, I wanted to be an archaeologist and teach history because I loved it – still do, actually. When I was just getting out of high school and into college, it was a kind of big ‘discussion’ and led to me agreeing to take Paralegal classes. In the end, I despised it and couldn’t focus which I should have seen coming.

Fast forward to now, I’m finding myself in that same sort of thing in a way. I mean, I know people mean well with their advisements but I don’t want the next half of my life to become steps I made because I lacked the courage to say what I want to do, really, and follow through on what I’m truly wanting to do instead of what’s ‘right’ or ‘proper’ or the ‘norm’. Also, I’ve never been normal. Never will be normal. And I’m fine with that.

So, by being indecisive and toeing that line between the norm and what I’ve got a love for, I’ve sort of been wandering about aimless but am wanting to change that. Set goals that I want to accomplish and make them come to life. It won’t be easy and I really don’t like strife but what I don’t like even more? Doing work that doesn’t fire me up.

Kind of where my thought process is at the moment and I’m sure I’ll figure it out but, until then, it is a bit of a headache trying to find that sweet spot of a compromise. Life’s interesting, crazy, and frustrating but it can be absolutely beautiful.

And this song kind of goes along with my feelings and what I’m playing at the moment by P!nk.

Thank you so much for stopping by and I hope you all have a lovely Sunday and Happy Father’s Day!

With all my love,

~Susan

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