On the other side of my door –
Where anything can happen –
Never knowing what’s in store,
Finding safety inside has become habit.
Heartbeat racing as I prepare for the day,
Hoping I can face the people I meet
And ready myself for what they say –
Their words could be bitter or sweet.
Swallowing hard, running a brush through my hair –
I give myself a practice smile, looking above
And say to myself a silent little prayer,
“I hope I’ve made myself look good enough.”
A small pep in my step and keeping my chin up,
People greeting me warmly with a wave.
Feeling my confidence starting to buildup,
I loosen my hands as I become more brave.
Tilting my head and squinting my eyes,
Hearing snickers and seeing pointing fingers…
They’ve seen passed my guise.
Though I quickly retreat, their words lingers.
“She’s so ugly with such a pig’s nose
And her hair is thinning on top.”
Unable to help it, my body froze;
Mechanically, forcing the tears to stop.
Somehow, I found myself back to safety,
And locked the door to sit in my room.
Wishing a reprieve from ridicule was hasty –
Maybe tomorrow won’t be filled with doom.
With a deep sigh, I look at a photo of my Mom
And then take a look in the mirror.
Memory of her and her smile keeps me calm –
Bitter words of before, she would beg to differ.
© Susan Moore
Just going to leave this Music Video here…