Smiles and laughter realized again
Deep in my soul, they still exist
Despite the heartbreak and pain
I remember what I dismissed.
Wordsmith of stories and poems
Decades spent writing them all –
Conveying different emotions –
One second up high, the next I fall.
Did you happen to notice what was missing?
Decades spent, yes – but two years lost…
Icy wall built tall and began dismissing
Anyone who dare try to force it to defrost.
Not fully prepared to trust once more
But the thought is there and gives me pause –
Is this something I should explore?
You see, I wonder these things because…
The questions run through my mind so fast –
What if he sees the cracks behind the smile?
The flaws that I hold are truly vast
In the end, that’s why I was cast in exile.
Those years I spent alone have been worthwhile…
I have learned to love myself again
And I’m not some creature absolutely vile
Who deserves to be look upon with disdain.
I can see that I am worth loving
But the question is still buried deep…
You’ve been patient though I’ve been shoving
And my defenses are starting to seep…
If I let my guard down, can you promise me?
Please, say that you can and mean it true…
Be patient and hear me when I plea –
Don’t break the trust I want to give to you.
Yes, I want to love again but am terrified
I want to let you in and then I run –
Hiding in the corner and the tears I’ve cried
Keeping my pain concealed from everyone.
Oh, they know that my heart was broken
And there was pain to deal with on my own
So many things I’ve left unspoken…
None of those things, you could’ve known.
Waves of white pain are mostly what I feel
Please, give me a little more time?
I’ve had two years but I’m not completely healed..
I need to be careful of who I give this heart of mine.
© Susan M. Moore